After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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