Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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