just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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