3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
