Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
