you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
