also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
