glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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