I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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