with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize