Just cropdusted the office
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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