I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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