I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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