Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
