He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
