Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize