What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
