I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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