Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
