my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
