I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
