this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
