what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
