I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize