Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
