Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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