Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Welp...herpes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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