i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
