Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
