Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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