Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I cut my penus on the lid.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
