And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
