you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
