I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
