her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
