It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
