I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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