If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
