that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
