Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
