yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
