come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
