He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
