i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
