just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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