brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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