I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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