i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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