i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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