yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
