after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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