She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
