I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize