He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
