he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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