The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
