this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
