It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
