I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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