Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
