So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
