lets start a swedish sibling band together
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
17 year olds will be the death of me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
