Just cropdusted the office
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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