Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
