the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
