I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize