His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
