Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
