my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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